Dating intj guy
So I usually end up alone in my 'bubble' 'even when I desire to socialize. Any thoughts on this ''case''? Feel free to ask details , my thought process, or anything.. The best advise I can give you is to offer some encouragement, let them know you are engaged and interested. Take a personal interest, as them about themselves. This is very difficult for INTJs since we tend to keep our feelings very close to the vest.
We don't want to appear foolish, and vulnerable. Talk to them establish a good mental connetion, and then offer some affirmation. Recently I've decided to emotionally walk away from him since there is no evidence of him having any real regard for me. He talks to me frequently and the conversations are deep. But there is no real affirmation, he doesn't ask me anything personal, or how I'm doing. It's all about topics I enjoy discussing like science, politics, current events.
But a lack of the personal has lead me to believe there is nothing more than a intellectual compatibility based on a shared interest in those topics. I'm not saying this is what you are doing, but it might be worth a personal examination to see if possibly you are not being obvious enough for the object of your affection to know that you do infact care for them.
If it is any consulation you are not allone, interpersonal relationships for INTJs are our Aquillias' heel. Just out of curiosity, do you ask him how he's doing? Do you affirm him? Do you ask him anything personal? Do you make it obvious that you like him for more than friends? I ask because you said you don't want to appear foolish or vulnerable. I'm sure he may feel the same way. If what you want is not conveyed to him, don't you think maybe he's just as confused as you are? If I was to date someone like you, would I have to keep up with the asking of how you are doing?
Reaffirming my feelings for you? Ask you personal questions more often? Make it obvious that I feel deeply for you, like even if I give you a long hug, should I try and kiss you too if I really want to?
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I'm really curious, that if this is the case then maybe that's why things don't seem to work out with me and other Introverts especially INTx types. Indicators of romantic interest are not always readily apparent, so I have nothing to go on to get a read on the feelings of other introverts, as they tend to be very stoic and reserved too, so it's like neither of us is making a move to be a couple.
I have had similar experiences. Starting with the ego, I would suggest meditating to eleveate the effects it has on your actions and decision making.
3 thoughts on “The Surprising Thing About Dating an INTJ, as an INFJ”
It will always have impact, but usually its not a positive one and you can work on dulling said impact. As I would expect an INTJ to do, you have clearly done quite a bit of communications research and real world testing to amend your faults. What it comes down to is a lack of perspective from you in my opinion. What I mean by that is you clearly approach it as a task rather than an oppportunity.
In fact, you even refer to your situation as a "case. You're not living in the moment but instead analysing the moment. This is not a bad thing in my opinion, but notice how you never know what to say to open a conversation with a woman? It's not just because your mind works logically, it's because you've become ungrounded thus disconnecting mind and body leading you to freeze up, they work together man.
You meet a girl and she's pretty, her body language and eye contact suggest she is confident and her occasional smiles give you the idea she may be interested in you. You want to say something but these are the only things you notice and you obviously can't talk about these things in a casual manner that isn't off putting to most people.
There are plenty of ways to go about this. One thing I've noticed is when people have great posture likely because I try to work on mine. All you have to do is state what you think, but you have to state it like a typical INTJ, like you know what you're talking about because its likely you know extensively what you're talking about. If you're into fashion, and you notice an attractive woman with qualities you find admirable is nearby and you want her number or want to ask her out, give her a compliment on what she's wearing if what she's wearing is worth a compliment, don't stray from what you think.
INTJ's shy away from their best quality in social situations, which is being direct and honest. In a world where most people like to play the game of "she said this, so I should say this. Add the fact that you're mysterious to most women as am I from what I can gather, and after a few minutes of talking to you some might end up feeling very refreshed by your personality.
Beware though, most people love to talk about themselves, and very rarely do you come across one that is a breathe of fresh air to you as well. She also knows that if I say something, I mean what I say and the way I said it. I'm not saying if your girl goes "Does this dress make me look fat" you say "yes dear.
I often compliment my girlfriend on her shoes because I know she tries to match her shoes with her outfits really well. So if I think in my limited fashion knowledge that she made a great choice. I'll say something like "Babe you look great, those shoes were a great idea.
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Most people think being funny is natural, and to an extent they are right. I would add on to that, that everyone is capable of being funny. Maybe not universally, but there's a niche for everyone.
From what I've noticed, INTJ's can work at being funny because of the analysation aspect of the personality type in relations to environment or surroundings. I've had great success with some in my opinion killer one-liners with groups of people at once, and that alone shoots your stock up and makes for easier conversation with people.
So don't stop at learning just what social ques to be aware of, but instead learn what ques to project. And not that it matters, but I was right there with you in highschool man. My lack of a sex life was dissected my senior year in front of like 6 people and I had no answer for "Why haven't you dated anyone" because I was already pretty funny, an athlete etc.
I just didn't know how to communicate with people on an intimate level. Well, I was actually more afraid to be honest haha. To be straight up, I still have a lot of trouble communicating authentically in group situations. This is what I'm working on for my own growth right now. Say what's on your mind. Don't be afraid to mess up or say something wrong, not everything is a test.
The sooner you realize you can benefit from being over analytical even in social situations, the better. Become more grounded, and use that analytical talent your advantage not by manipulation but by implication. You giving an attractive girl a compliment as an attractive guy does give off the vibe your interested, which is what you're looking for.
It also loosens them up to be more receptive to conversation with you knowing you're not some weirdo with a blowup doll collection back home. Hope some of this helped, best of luck. I feel your pain so much! I'm on the fence between INTJ and ENTJ it depends on the day and it's hard for me to open up to people even though I very much enjoy physical contact and appreciate the few deep relationships with friends. It seems like the expectation for liking people is set to warp speed- I just want some time to get to know people before before investing- Or maybe I can't invest if I don't know them.
Guys usually like me too much before I'm ready to open up, and it's overwhelming. Can people not just hang out? Commune as human to human before forcing romance? I laughed when you mentioned logic, because I use that word so often trying to navigate relationships! Things just don't seem reasonable! What I learned about people is, that they are all different - and this is a necessary thing! We are brave, curious, scared, facts lovers or running around barefoot in a flower field - yes, I have met ENFPs: I mean it - they can't. It's not their fault, it's not your fault! We wouldn't blame a child who sucks at singing for not being able to sing a song, or would we?
Nope - We would just say: Yet, when it comes to feelings and logic, people are quick to say things like "stupid" or "too sensitive" or the opposite "too cold" and make people feel wrong and dumb when really they are not at all! Naturally people like to build up a world and apply to the rules. And no rules are rules, too, in the end. However, whenever you don't follow certain peoples rules, they will not know what to think of you and therefore they will do this:.
Shadiversity has a nice vid up about this: I really am sorry, that you met people, who do not get you. Everyone is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. If I don't want to go out, I just don't.watch
Important Information to Understand About the INTJ Male - Personality Growth
If no one understands me, it is not my fault but it's also not theirs. If your brain works differently there is nothing wrong with you. You also need to accept yourself. Selfworth is also important. Do you really want to befriend people who say bad things about you without knowing you? Also note, that therefore not everyone is compatible with everyone. Try to forget it and move on! People can be nice that doesn't mean they are your friends or your next potential partner. I'm nice to everyone, that doesn't mean I'm friends with anyone, not at all.
Accepting someone, doesn't mean he is a friend. Liking someone doesn't mean he is a friend. And being attracted by someone doesn't mean he will be a friend at all. At least I never could. They truly dislike being around overly emotional people, and might even find themselves become short tempered with those individuals.
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To an INTJ being too emotionally expression is just a pointless waste of time and energy. They might even see this person as trying to get attention, which is even more aggravating to an INTJ. They are very good at keeping their emotions to themselves, and see that as a much better way to live. They prefer to logically express what is frustrating them, in a way to find a useful solution. They have a high respect for someone who can logically explain their problem or what is bothering them, and will work hard to find the most beneficial solution.
INTJs might not be the most emotionally focused people, but they are fiercely loyal. They might not be great at giving emotional support when their loved ones are sad, but they are excellent at giving logical and pragmatic support. They understand that people go through struggles, and they will instantly search for ways to solve the problems at hand. This might make them appear cold to some people, but in reality it is how they express that they care. When they care, they prefer to take action in order to prove this to those around them.
INTJs admire people who have a certain amount of independence, especially someone they are romantically attracted to. They prefer someone who has their own desires and goals in life, and will enjoy seeing how passionate they can be. Someone who is simply coasting by without any direction, is unlikely to be attractive to an INTJ male. For the INTJ it is important to have their own independence, since they require plenty of alone time to feel energized. They need to be able to have a lot of space to themselves in order to process things and explore new ideas.
Without this alone time, the INTJ will quickly become frustrated with the people around them. INTJs are extremely sarcastic, and actually enjoy this as a major form of communication. They often enjoy humor, but their sense of humor is very sarcastic and oftentimes dry. They can sometimes deliver a joke with such a dry tone, that people around them think they are serious. This makes INTJs great company for people who appreciate their type of humor. INTJs are independent, intelligent, focused and loyal individuals- they are constantly striving to make themselves and those around them better.